Again, i've fallen behind on updating this blog. I've been doing short updates on facebook regularly, though. it's hard to do both and part of the problem is that the kids' computer crashed and it was my old computer and that was the computer on which i had my "email distribution list" for the blog. I haven't had time to create a new email list. So, since i couldn't send out an email telling people that i updated the blog, i just didn't update it. does that make sense? anyway, i'll try to work on creating that new list this weekend.
If you're not on facebook, check it out. So many of us are on there! Even Marlon has joined!
Anyway, the postings on facebook have to be shorter than on here, so i can't post my kids konnection articles on facebook. here is the column from the June issue.... you can read it here, or go to www.ocjewishlife.com to see the "real version." Just scroll down to the bottom row and look for Viewpoing: Kids Konnection or do a search for me by name!
Domestic abuse is one of those topics not easily discussed. Most of us wouldn’t even consider the possibility that Jews could be such victims. But domestic abuse does not discriminate. The Jewish community is not immune and we all know people who are abused, either physically or emotionally, even if we do not realize it. Not all bruises from domestic abuse are visible. Mental and emotional abuse are just as damaging to the body and soul as sexual and physical abuse.
Awareness of domestic abuse in the Jewish Community is ashamedly low. Studies estimate that 15 to 20 % of Jewish women are abused, a rate comparable to that of non-Jewish women. Further, there are no denominational differences – the rate of violence is the same among Orthodox, Conservative and Reform Jews.
Unfortunately, the belief that Jewish men do not abuse their wives has made the situation of abused Jewish wives all the more difficult. Sometimes, women, believing that "Jewish men don’t do that", believe that they are at fault for what happens to them. Moreover, often, especially in closely-knit Jewish communities, women feel that, by complaining about their husbands’ behavior, they are undermining the community value of shalom bayit (domestic harmony or peace in the home). It is a cruel irony that this value is often invoked to deny or cover up the most blatant violations of domestic harmony, creating a sense of guilt for Jewish victims of abuse, causing them to feel responsible for the discord within their lives and families.
Relatives and friends of the victim may close their eyes to what is going on, or they may discount her story (if she tells of abuse) as exaggerated or hysterical. Rabbis may be so blinded by the conventional talk about how wonderful Jewish family life is that they do not recognize cases of abuse. Also, rabbis may find it hard to believe that Jewish men, often respected leaders of the synagogue or community, would behave in such a reprehensible, "unJewish", way. They may also be psychologically naive, and they may counsel people to work out their problems together, not realizing that they are, in fact, thereby advising the abused wife to suffer more abuse.
A few years ago, when I was the chairman of the National Young Leaders Advisory Council for the Orange County area of Hadassah Southern California, I organized a conference on domestic abuse for the Long Beach/Orange County area. As part of the full-day series of speakers and presentations, Israeli actress Naomi Ackerman presented her hour-long powerful monologue called “Flowers Aren’t Enough.” This moving and emotional dramatic presentation tells the story of Michal, a young woman from an upper to middle class Jewish family who finds herself in an abusive relationship. Michal describes how her partner gradually narrows her world and isolates her from her surroundings. We see her denial, her guilt, and how living in the Jewish community intensifies her shame and despair. We witness Michal sink into darkness and then we watch with joy as she takes charge of her life, re-discovers herself and ends the years of being victimized.
Michal’s story is a true story based on the lives and stories of several Israeli women. But not everyone’s story has a happy ending. A recent story is more shocking and illustrates my point that domestic abuse is prevalent everywhere and can have tragic results. There was an orthodox and very religious woman living in Jerusalem. She was a young woman in her early twenties, the daughter of very wealthy, ultra-Orthodox diamond merchants. Her marriage to a brilliant Talmud scholar was arranged by matchmakers, who demanded and received a huge dowry on behalf of the groom, a dowry which included a house, fully furnished, an annual income, a car, and many other gifts from the bride's father. Several years later, this lovely girl took her daughter, a gorgeous, blonde three-year old, to the top of a Tel-Aviv hotel and committed suicide with the child in her arms. This perfectly normal, lovely, deeply religious woman had been pushed to an extreme few of us will ever know by her husband and the society around her. She had been abused by her religious husband, a Talmud scholar, a man presumed to have the highest morals and values. Rather than seek help and bear the “shame” and guilt of being a victim, she felt the situation hopeless enough to take her own life – and that of her daughter’s.
There are many signs that someone is in an abusive relationship. The partner may try to isolate the other from her family and friends or demand that the other spend all her free time with him. The abuser may want to know where the other is at all time and may be impatient or become angry if the other does not follow his advice. Finally, the partner being abused is usually blamed for everything and regularly belittled by the abusive partner. Shouting at another person, demeaning or belittling another person, not to mention striking another person or coercing her to engage in sexual activity against her will, are wrong, even a single time.
When my oldest was in preschool, I had a friend – another mom from the J.C.C. – whose husband was, in my opinion, a real jerk. She had to ask his permission to do anything for herself or her son or to spend any money. He was very critical of her and constantly insulted her in front of other people. During that time, I felt bad for her that she was married to such a loser. But never once did I realize that she was a victim of domestic abuse and that I could – and should – help her seek help. As part of a Jewish community who cares about one another, we should all look out for one another and be aware of domestic abuse in our community, whether it be at school, at synagogue, on sports teams or in our neighborhoods. There are resources available to help people in these situations and we should not stand by silently while someone we know continues to be victimized. “Shalom Bayit” is an important Jewish value – we can all do our part to ensure that it prevails.
If we, ourselves, feel that we are victims of domestic abuse, or if we know someone who we believe is a victim, we can and should seek help immediately. Rabbis are trained to help people in such situations the Jewish Family Services has experience in dealing with cases of domestic abuse and provides an excellent resource to those in need. As evidence of how Jewish organizations are making such resources a priority, recently Hadassah opened a Center at Hadassah Ein-Kerem University Hospital in Jerusalem for the treatment of Sexual Abuse and Domestic Violence. The first of its kind in the Jerusalem area, the new center provides comprehensive multi –disciplinary care in physical as well as emotional treatment to victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence. The interdisciplinary team will include a gynecologist, a nurse and a social worker, who will follow the entire process. This will involve medical aspects, prevention of pregnancy and sexual diseases, documenting for legal purposes, help in the emotional coping, facing reaction of other people and continuation of care within the community.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Fun all Around
Today was an action packed day. At Michela's softball practice, the girls and parents "painted/decorated" everyone's car for the upcoming weekend tournament. all of the girls had a great time signing their names, nicknames and numbers on everyone's cars. Jacob made sure to put a part that said "...and Jacob rocks at Rainbow competition" amidst all of the "Silver U10 Allstars Rule" sayings, since the minivan will be going to Riverside for his competition in addition to Westlake for her tournament.
Tonight Jacob did his tap solo at the competition and earned a "high gold," which was good for this competition because they give out the platinums only sparingly.
Harrison worked on a big project for school and his never-ending thank you notes and also had batting practice.
See you tomorrow!
Tonight Jacob did his tap solo at the competition and earned a "high gold," which was good for this competition because they give out the platinums only sparingly.
Harrison worked on a big project for school and his never-ending thank you notes and also had batting practice.
See you tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
New Blogging Promise
I know I sound like a broken record, but here I am again, apologizing for not posting in weeks. I just can't believe how fast the time flies by. And I also can't believe how overwhelmingly busy we have been.
The good news is that I now have an iphone (well, okay, i got it almost a month ago, but i'm now figuring out how to use it!) and i can blog from it while out and about, waiting for the kids' at activities, in line at the grocery store, etc. So i've decided that i'm going to do short blog entries every day so that i don't get so far behind.
To quickly catch you up, since i have to leave about 5 minutes AGO (!):
-Michela's softball all star team experience is going well. It's intense and time consuming, but she's loving every minute of it. Her team was CRUSHED in their first tournament, losing every game by a wide margin, but hopefully they'll do better this coming weekend. they had fun anyway, so that's what matters and she did a great job in her positions.
-Harrison's baseball all star team didn't fare any better in their weekend tournament. They were slaughtered three out of four games, but they ended the weekend on a high note by winning 12 to 7. Harrison played amazing -- getting great hits and making great plays in the field.
-With all the tournament games this weekend, marlon and I pretty much waved hi to each other on the freeway as we past each other going from game to game. Not exactly, but it felt like that!
-Jacob is as busy as ever with dance, as he has a competition coming up this coming weekend and the big dance show is in 3 weeks. He has something like 24 numbers (some of his perform more than once.) Michela is in 4. :)
-The other dancer in the family is Marlon. He's enjoying the "dad's dance," and has almost as many reheasals as Jacob does. They take this dance stuff seriously at Focus Dance Center. When i saw the rehearsal schedule, i just about thought he would kill me for signing him up, but he's loving it.
-New dance competition groups were annouced for next year's groups. jacob advanced to the next level, so he's happy about that. He'll be in Elites for jazz, tap and lyrical. they haven't annoucned honor groups yet, just large group competition numbers.
-School is good. the year is winding down. lots of projects and tests.
-Maintenance is good for the most part. I eat everything, just try very hard to keep a good balance, make every calorie count, and keep the calories low and the exercise high. sometimes i succeed at it, sometimes not. I'm basically maintaining, which is fine for maintenance, i just had hopes of losing a bit more. but my health educator today reassured me that maintaining the 120 pound loss is what's the most important thing. it's nice to eat somewhat normally again.
-My mom is doing thru a pretty severe depression and is not eating well, moving around enough, wanting to leave her apartment, etc. so that is taking careful monitoring and intervention. another thing to deal with, but i think the situation is improving somewhat.
-we still haven't finalized our summmer plans. i did decide on camps for the kids and just need to sign them up and we're still talking about/thinking about a trip around the 4th of July, which is our 15 year anniversary!
-I'm still (as always) hopelessly overwhelmed by the number of things that i have to do and on my to-do list (household stuff, kid stuff, work stuff, volunteer stuff, etc. etc) i have several new (fortunately, temporary) responsibilities that i'm trying to manage -- being in charge of ticket sales for the school musical, being the "team mom" in charge of scheduling tournaments and all communications for harrison's all star team and being a coordinator for one of the seven dance shows.
-on that note, it's time to go.....
i'll see you tomorrow!! and i haven't forgotten about posting bar mitzvah pictures, speeches and all that. i'll still get to it. believe it or not, we haven't even looked at the pictures ourselves yet! lol
The good news is that I now have an iphone (well, okay, i got it almost a month ago, but i'm now figuring out how to use it!) and i can blog from it while out and about, waiting for the kids' at activities, in line at the grocery store, etc. So i've decided that i'm going to do short blog entries every day so that i don't get so far behind.
To quickly catch you up, since i have to leave about 5 minutes AGO (!):
-Michela's softball all star team experience is going well. It's intense and time consuming, but she's loving every minute of it. Her team was CRUSHED in their first tournament, losing every game by a wide margin, but hopefully they'll do better this coming weekend. they had fun anyway, so that's what matters and she did a great job in her positions.
-Harrison's baseball all star team didn't fare any better in their weekend tournament. They were slaughtered three out of four games, but they ended the weekend on a high note by winning 12 to 7. Harrison played amazing -- getting great hits and making great plays in the field.
-With all the tournament games this weekend, marlon and I pretty much waved hi to each other on the freeway as we past each other going from game to game. Not exactly, but it felt like that!
-Jacob is as busy as ever with dance, as he has a competition coming up this coming weekend and the big dance show is in 3 weeks. He has something like 24 numbers (some of his perform more than once.) Michela is in 4. :)
-The other dancer in the family is Marlon. He's enjoying the "dad's dance," and has almost as many reheasals as Jacob does. They take this dance stuff seriously at Focus Dance Center. When i saw the rehearsal schedule, i just about thought he would kill me for signing him up, but he's loving it.
-New dance competition groups were annouced for next year's groups. jacob advanced to the next level, so he's happy about that. He'll be in Elites for jazz, tap and lyrical. they haven't annoucned honor groups yet, just large group competition numbers.
-School is good. the year is winding down. lots of projects and tests.
-Maintenance is good for the most part. I eat everything, just try very hard to keep a good balance, make every calorie count, and keep the calories low and the exercise high. sometimes i succeed at it, sometimes not. I'm basically maintaining, which is fine for maintenance, i just had hopes of losing a bit more. but my health educator today reassured me that maintaining the 120 pound loss is what's the most important thing. it's nice to eat somewhat normally again.
-My mom is doing thru a pretty severe depression and is not eating well, moving around enough, wanting to leave her apartment, etc. so that is taking careful monitoring and intervention. another thing to deal with, but i think the situation is improving somewhat.
-we still haven't finalized our summmer plans. i did decide on camps for the kids and just need to sign them up and we're still talking about/thinking about a trip around the 4th of July, which is our 15 year anniversary!
-I'm still (as always) hopelessly overwhelmed by the number of things that i have to do and on my to-do list (household stuff, kid stuff, work stuff, volunteer stuff, etc. etc) i have several new (fortunately, temporary) responsibilities that i'm trying to manage -- being in charge of ticket sales for the school musical, being the "team mom" in charge of scheduling tournaments and all communications for harrison's all star team and being a coordinator for one of the seven dance shows.
-on that note, it's time to go.....
i'll see you tomorrow!! and i haven't forgotten about posting bar mitzvah pictures, speeches and all that. i'll still get to it. believe it or not, we haven't even looked at the pictures ourselves yet! lol
Friday, May 8, 2009
Busy, Busy, Busy
I'm so sorry that it's been so long -- AGAIN. I thought things were going to settle down after the Bar Mitzvah. Well, I obviously thought wrong. It's been busier than ever.
The last two weeks I've spent hours and hours every day working on a work project. It went well and I actually enjoyed it, but basically all I did was work and do the basics to take care of the house and kids. I was already hopelessly behind on "things" (paperwork, correspondence, household projects, etc.) because of the Bar Mitzvah and this put me futher behind, but it was an important work project and had to be done.
Once it was finished, i spent some time this week catching up on post-Bar Mitzvah tasks, especially errands like returning the 11 dresses I had bought for Michela and we didn't choose, the 14 dresses for me, the 6 dress shirts for Jacob, etc. etc. Would you believe that I returned over $2,000 worth of clothes?!
we're gearing up for a very busy weekend. the kind that i have to do a typed up schedule for marlon and i to keep it straight. i won't give you the hour by hour rundown, but basically tomorrow (sat) we have: 1 baseball game, 2 softball games (semi finals and then championships), an "all star meet and greet" for Michela, two teams parties (one swimming all afternoon, one dinner and that's here), 7 hours of dance (jacob), 3 hours of dance (Marlon for the dad's dance) and i think i forgot a couple of things!
the next 2 months are going to be beyond busy with baseball allstars, softball allstars, dance competitions, big annual dance show, harrison's musical at school, normal end of year stuff, etc... I'm used to "busy," but these next two months are going to be hard for even me to juggle.
Here's a "bullet point" summary of the highlights of what's been going on (in no particular order other than the order i'm thinking of them):
-I got an iphone! so far i love it, BUT i haven't downloaded any songs or applications or had time to configure the email or anything. the texting is amazing. i got it last week. i need to make time to figure it out and get it configured.
-I'm doing a great job of maintaining my weight. i'm not really losing, but i'm not gaining either and i'm eating a full array of foods, so i'm very pleased with how it's going. hopefully eventually i'll start to slowly lose a little bit.
-i bought a FEW new things, including JEANS and a BELT. I don't think i EVER wore jeans or a belt before, believe it or not. i even have jean shorts now. and some cute capris.
-Jacob had his auditions for next year's honor groups at dance. Jazz/lyrical were last week, tap was tonight. he thinks he did well. we'll know in a couple of weeks.
-Michela made the softball all star team!!!!!!!!! She was so excited. it's very competitive. It's also going to be a very intense 6-8 weeks of 4-5 practices a week and tournaments every weekend. it's a very highly competitive level of play. it'll be a great experience and she's becoming quite a good softball player so we're hoping she'll keep it up and will be able to get a scholarship for college.
-Harrison also made his baseball all star team!!!!!!!! He was also excited. things will be equally intense and time consuming for him.
-in light of the two all star teams, our summer plans are completely up in the air and i've been trying to figure things out. we were talking about renting a motor home and taking two weeks to drive to texas to be with marlon's family, taking detours along the way to see things. but now we can't really be gone two weeks because you have to sign a committment contract for all stars. so we MAY still go to texas for the 4th of july weekend or we may do something more local, or we may just do little day trips around here all summer.
-our kids have the longest summer they've ever had this summer - 6 weeks. (not sure why.) usually we have 4 1/2 or 5 at the most. I'm trying to line up some camps for them because 6 weeks is too long to just sit around and i have a lot of work projects to work on. I think all 3 are going to go to SURF camp every day for a week. funny, huh? they have surfed a bit and want to learn how. it's a california thing. harrison might go to football camp (see below), jacob wants to try a basketball camp (huh? basketball? jacob? well, great if he wants to!). he may do a dance intensive. i'm looking into a softball camp for michela, etc. i think that jewish sleepaway camp is out of consideration because they can't be gone a week b/c of all stars and dance.
-Yes, harrison now wants to play football. he wants to try out for the freshman football team in high school (he has one more yr first). Matt Leinart is his idol. Matt Leinart runs a football camp for 5 days (overnight camp) here in long beach. Harrison is sending the receipient of his "camp scholarship" to it (he asked matt leinart's brother ryan if they'd make up the difference in cost between the $300 he raised and the $700 it costs and they said they would!)
-Marlon was away for a week and while he was gone i enjoyed a "special night" with each of the kids alone. harrison and i splurged (calorie wise and financially) and had a nice dinner out at the Melting Pot. Jacob and I went for manicures and pedicures and then had dinner at a cafe. Michela and I picked up dinner and ate it in a movie, just the two of us, then went shopping for some new clothes the next mornig.
ok, this is long enough. i'll try to update more often so that these aren't so long. and i know i still have to post bar mitzvah pics!
Barbara
The last two weeks I've spent hours and hours every day working on a work project. It went well and I actually enjoyed it, but basically all I did was work and do the basics to take care of the house and kids. I was already hopelessly behind on "things" (paperwork, correspondence, household projects, etc.) because of the Bar Mitzvah and this put me futher behind, but it was an important work project and had to be done.
Once it was finished, i spent some time this week catching up on post-Bar Mitzvah tasks, especially errands like returning the 11 dresses I had bought for Michela and we didn't choose, the 14 dresses for me, the 6 dress shirts for Jacob, etc. etc. Would you believe that I returned over $2,000 worth of clothes?!
we're gearing up for a very busy weekend. the kind that i have to do a typed up schedule for marlon and i to keep it straight. i won't give you the hour by hour rundown, but basically tomorrow (sat) we have: 1 baseball game, 2 softball games (semi finals and then championships), an "all star meet and greet" for Michela, two teams parties (one swimming all afternoon, one dinner and that's here), 7 hours of dance (jacob), 3 hours of dance (Marlon for the dad's dance) and i think i forgot a couple of things!
the next 2 months are going to be beyond busy with baseball allstars, softball allstars, dance competitions, big annual dance show, harrison's musical at school, normal end of year stuff, etc... I'm used to "busy," but these next two months are going to be hard for even me to juggle.
Here's a "bullet point" summary of the highlights of what's been going on (in no particular order other than the order i'm thinking of them):
-I got an iphone! so far i love it, BUT i haven't downloaded any songs or applications or had time to configure the email or anything. the texting is amazing. i got it last week. i need to make time to figure it out and get it configured.
-I'm doing a great job of maintaining my weight. i'm not really losing, but i'm not gaining either and i'm eating a full array of foods, so i'm very pleased with how it's going. hopefully eventually i'll start to slowly lose a little bit.
-i bought a FEW new things, including JEANS and a BELT. I don't think i EVER wore jeans or a belt before, believe it or not. i even have jean shorts now. and some cute capris.
-Jacob had his auditions for next year's honor groups at dance. Jazz/lyrical were last week, tap was tonight. he thinks he did well. we'll know in a couple of weeks.
-Michela made the softball all star team!!!!!!!!! She was so excited. it's very competitive. It's also going to be a very intense 6-8 weeks of 4-5 practices a week and tournaments every weekend. it's a very highly competitive level of play. it'll be a great experience and she's becoming quite a good softball player so we're hoping she'll keep it up and will be able to get a scholarship for college.
-Harrison also made his baseball all star team!!!!!!!! He was also excited. things will be equally intense and time consuming for him.
-in light of the two all star teams, our summer plans are completely up in the air and i've been trying to figure things out. we were talking about renting a motor home and taking two weeks to drive to texas to be with marlon's family, taking detours along the way to see things. but now we can't really be gone two weeks because you have to sign a committment contract for all stars. so we MAY still go to texas for the 4th of july weekend or we may do something more local, or we may just do little day trips around here all summer.
-our kids have the longest summer they've ever had this summer - 6 weeks. (not sure why.) usually we have 4 1/2 or 5 at the most. I'm trying to line up some camps for them because 6 weeks is too long to just sit around and i have a lot of work projects to work on. I think all 3 are going to go to SURF camp every day for a week. funny, huh? they have surfed a bit and want to learn how. it's a california thing. harrison might go to football camp (see below), jacob wants to try a basketball camp (huh? basketball? jacob? well, great if he wants to!). he may do a dance intensive. i'm looking into a softball camp for michela, etc. i think that jewish sleepaway camp is out of consideration because they can't be gone a week b/c of all stars and dance.
-Yes, harrison now wants to play football. he wants to try out for the freshman football team in high school (he has one more yr first). Matt Leinart is his idol. Matt Leinart runs a football camp for 5 days (overnight camp) here in long beach. Harrison is sending the receipient of his "camp scholarship" to it (he asked matt leinart's brother ryan if they'd make up the difference in cost between the $300 he raised and the $700 it costs and they said they would!)
-Marlon was away for a week and while he was gone i enjoyed a "special night" with each of the kids alone. harrison and i splurged (calorie wise and financially) and had a nice dinner out at the Melting Pot. Jacob and I went for manicures and pedicures and then had dinner at a cafe. Michela and I picked up dinner and ate it in a movie, just the two of us, then went shopping for some new clothes the next mornig.
ok, this is long enough. i'll try to update more often so that these aren't so long. and i know i still have to post bar mitzvah pics!
Barbara
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Catching Up
After my last post, i sort of "checked out" for a week or so! I think i needed a break from everything structured and busy. The kids and I enjoyed their last week of break - relaxing, playing board games, getting together with friends, going to the pool, sleeping until after 9 every day, seeing some movies (17 Again was great, although if you're conservative about movies, you might want to skip it because it's somewhat "mature", Hannah Montana was dumb and my kids thought that even more than i did!).
Harrison's birthday was low key after his big weekend, but we did spend the day with some good friends at the pool and then went out to dinner and he got to have a sleepover.
It also took the rest of the week to do a lot of the "post bar mitzvah " tasks, like put the centerpieces away, unload the car, unpack from the weekend, etc.
I gave Harrison a break on his thank you notes and let him enjoy the last week of his very busy spring break. Now, though, he has a goal of a minimum of 5 per day until they're all done. I hate thank you notes that are just one little sentence, so these are "meaty," full of substace and from the heart. Please know that he is working on them (in no particular order other than the order the gifts were openened) and yours will be coming. In the meantime, Marlon and I would like to say thank you so much for your generousity. Harrison has opened up a savings account and deposited all of his Bar Mitzvah money into it and he will be saving it for college. He did use some of the many gift cards and a couple of cash birthday gifts to buy himself a new (and somewhat expensive) DeMarini baseball bat, which is apparently the ultimate in bats. let's hope he hits some homeruns with it! lol
Soon i'll return to posts about the Bar Mitzvah. I've had several requests that i post our speeches, the candlelighting ceremony script and of course pictures, so i'll work on all of that!
Oh, by the way, a brief update on my weight loss/maintenance. I've been on regular foods now for about 3 weeks. I still use their products as part of my intake, but i also eat a wide variety of foods. During the long weekend of the Bar Mitzvah, I didn't really count calories at all, ate whatever i wanted, and enjoyed the delicious foods we had at all of our events. i must admit, i was also not careful at times when i could have been more careful, but i had been strict for so long that i guess i just needed a little break from it. i didn't keep track of anything and didn't exercise, but i didn't miss any of my classes - i went right back tuesday morning, even though i knew i had gained. Sure enough, I had gained 6 pounds (i had anticipated between 2 and 10, so i wasn't surprised by this.)
i got RIGHT back on track last tuesday, still eating regular foods, but counting calories, trying to keep it low, weighing and measuring, writing it all down, back to exercise (although not the gym yet, just swimming and the elpyp at home) and as of today i lost 7.2 pounds so i lost everything i had gained plus an additional 1.2 pounds! yippee!
ok, that's it for now. more later!
Harrison's birthday was low key after his big weekend, but we did spend the day with some good friends at the pool and then went out to dinner and he got to have a sleepover.
It also took the rest of the week to do a lot of the "post bar mitzvah " tasks, like put the centerpieces away, unload the car, unpack from the weekend, etc.
I gave Harrison a break on his thank you notes and let him enjoy the last week of his very busy spring break. Now, though, he has a goal of a minimum of 5 per day until they're all done. I hate thank you notes that are just one little sentence, so these are "meaty," full of substace and from the heart. Please know that he is working on them (in no particular order other than the order the gifts were openened) and yours will be coming. In the meantime, Marlon and I would like to say thank you so much for your generousity. Harrison has opened up a savings account and deposited all of his Bar Mitzvah money into it and he will be saving it for college. He did use some of the many gift cards and a couple of cash birthday gifts to buy himself a new (and somewhat expensive) DeMarini baseball bat, which is apparently the ultimate in bats. let's hope he hits some homeruns with it! lol
Soon i'll return to posts about the Bar Mitzvah. I've had several requests that i post our speeches, the candlelighting ceremony script and of course pictures, so i'll work on all of that!
Oh, by the way, a brief update on my weight loss/maintenance. I've been on regular foods now for about 3 weeks. I still use their products as part of my intake, but i also eat a wide variety of foods. During the long weekend of the Bar Mitzvah, I didn't really count calories at all, ate whatever i wanted, and enjoyed the delicious foods we had at all of our events. i must admit, i was also not careful at times when i could have been more careful, but i had been strict for so long that i guess i just needed a little break from it. i didn't keep track of anything and didn't exercise, but i didn't miss any of my classes - i went right back tuesday morning, even though i knew i had gained. Sure enough, I had gained 6 pounds (i had anticipated between 2 and 10, so i wasn't surprised by this.)
i got RIGHT back on track last tuesday, still eating regular foods, but counting calories, trying to keep it low, weighing and measuring, writing it all down, back to exercise (although not the gym yet, just swimming and the elpyp at home) and as of today i lost 7.2 pounds so i lost everything i had gained plus an additional 1.2 pounds! yippee!
ok, that's it for now. more later!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Bar Mitzvah Reflections, Part 1
It's going to take many posts, i'm sure, to tell everything about the Bar Mitzvah and weekend. Here's the first one, which is the text of my Kids Konnection article for May that I wrote this morning. It's a good start on my recap!
* * *
Words cannot adequately describe the magnitude of the emotions I am feeling and the thoughts that I want to express as I reflect about the most wonderful weekend of our lives as a family – the Bar Mitzvah of our oldest son. Every aspect was perfect. Each element exceeded our expectations. Being with so many members of both sides of our extended family from near and far was incredible. The pride we felt as Harrison led services and chanted Torah flawlessly, spoke words of wisdom articulately and conducted himself with poise, maturity and personality filled our hearts with great joy. The parties were all perfect with excellent food, beautiful decorations, wonderful “little touches” and everyone having the time of their lives! Here are some details to aid you in planning your own simchas.
1. Invitations. We were thrilled with Jackie Wolf (Jackie@wolfiesprint.com) who orders from the major companies and offers a discount. There is a huge range of styles and prices. Having a traditional invite that incorporated Hebrew was important to us and we spent hours on the wording. We received many compliments and no one knew that we had chosen a style at the low end of the price spectrum!
2. Involve your Child. We were fortunate that Harrison wanted to be involved in ALL of the planning. He helped with everything and was a part of all decisions (except for a couple of “surprises” I thought would be fun for him.) His involvement made it more special and we had so much fun and got so close doing everything together.
3. Service. Thanks to our well-prepared son and wonderful clergy, the service was beautiful and moving. We chose to personalize the service in a few ways and we were very grateful that we were allowed us to do so. It was important to us to “honor” and involve as many of our family members as we could because it was so meaningful to us that they were here to share this special day. So we added extra prayers, a special presentation of the tallit of my father, for whom Harrison is named, an instrumental piece (by Harrison on the trombone and our other children and two of their close friends from temple, all on different instruments) and we have the distinction of having more people for Aliyot than any other family!
4. Meals. Harrison wanted an evening party so we chose to have a luncheon following the service as well as the evening party. It was nice to do this because it gave people a chance to really be together. I did assigned table seating for both events and put a lot of thought and effort into mixing people up so that they weren’t sitting with the same people for both events, which everyone seemed to enjoy. We also had a Shabbat dinner for family on Friday night and a Sunday brunch for family and some close friends on Sunday morning, and we were very blessed that family members generously offered to host all of these “extra” events including the very “upscale” Saturday evening cocktail hour. Our caterers, Nina Varkel and Ruth Gueta of Gourmet Caterers (www.gourmetcaterers.net) were phenomenal in all respects and I highly recommend them. The food was beyond delicious, the presentation of the food was amazing and they were a joy to work with.
5. Venues. We were so pleased with our choice of venues. Having the extended Kiddush luncheon at the synagogue was perfect because everyone went straight from the service into the lunch. We had the evening party at the JCC, which was great. The dance floor was the largest we’ve seen and the set up of the room worked perfectly. There was plenty of space and it felt “right” to have a Jewish event at a “Jewish venue.” I looked at more than fifty places and the cost of the JCC was comparable to most of the other places and we got more space for the money (the use of other parts of the facility for the cocktail hour, buffet stations, etc.)
6. DJ. Mark Fortier of What a Party (www.whataparty.com) was simply amazing. He had the right amount of “energy” (he was “up,” but he wasn’t too hyper) and once we walked into the door of the ballroom, he did his thing and kept things moving along perfectly on schedule. Everyone there danced the night away and had the best night ever!
7. Décor. To keep things “moderate” and not “over the top,” we did all the décor ourselves. The lunch theme was based on Harrison’s mitzvah projects (which involved tutoring Santa Ana kids with their reading) and the centerpieces and baskets on the Bima were wrapped with pretty Star of David cellophane, tied with sparkling blue and silver ribbons, and filled with books that Harrison will be donated so they looked nice but served a useful purpose. The evening’s theme was “Harrison’s World,” with centerpieces made of vases filled with pretty rocks, tied with sparkly silver and blue ribbons, adorned with Stars of David, and each featured a photograph of Harrison doing something important to him (with the table placecards matching the tables.) We made the centerpieces and all the table placecards ourselves, and even though they looked homemade, they were creative and special (it helps that I do calligraphy.) Making the sign-in board and other “photo boards” for décor was easy and fun. Decorating baskets for programs, kippots, etc. made everything festive and beautiful for little cost and effort. Our balloon vendor, Irma Minsky (minskyfam@att.net) was excellent and decorated the room beautifully with arches, balloon trees and a fun “exploding balloon,” while keeping within our strict budget.
8. Little Touches. All the special extra touches added so much: the program booklet at the service that explained everything and mentioned everyone involved, Harrison’s Jewish friends led Havdallah at the party, special presentations to Harrison by his siblings, a candlelighting ceremony honoring close friends and family, a video montage made by Harrison’s uncle, (which was incredible), fun party give-aways, inexpensive party favors (personalized pens at lunch, bags of candy in the evening), etc.
9. The Hotel. I negotiated an amazing rate at the Residence Inn by Marriott in Irvine. We had a block of 25 suites and everyone enjoyed the luxury and comfort of the recently renovated rooms, the complimentary breakfast, the common areas to congregate, the fun sports deck and the fact that they let us use and bring in our own food to their downstairs “ballroom” for a large family seder.
10. Capturing the Day. Our photographer and videographer were fantastic: Mike Perez for photography (jacquelyngp@gmail.com) and Dennis Backer for videography (dbacker@mediabydesign.net).
11. ENJOY EVERYTHING. Most my important advice is to work as hard as you need to (and we worked really hard) to plan everything and then put it all aside. We were able to do this and I can honestly say that we savored and enjoyed every moment of the weekend.. It didn’t “fly by in a blur” as so many big events do, we were calm and relaxed, and we had the time of our lives. A few minor things didn’t go “exactly” as planned (very few, actually, given the number of events and people and all that was involved), but we didn’t worry about it and we just enjoyed each and every second of this wonderful simcha. We achieved our goals of keeping our focus on the importance of the service and Mitzvah projects and having fun celebration events that incorporated all the elements but were not “over the top.” It will be hard to come down from the clouds and return to a reality that doesn’t involve Bar Mitzvah planning and enjoying, but fortunately we have another one to look forward to in 2 ½ years!
* * *
Words cannot adequately describe the magnitude of the emotions I am feeling and the thoughts that I want to express as I reflect about the most wonderful weekend of our lives as a family – the Bar Mitzvah of our oldest son. Every aspect was perfect. Each element exceeded our expectations. Being with so many members of both sides of our extended family from near and far was incredible. The pride we felt as Harrison led services and chanted Torah flawlessly, spoke words of wisdom articulately and conducted himself with poise, maturity and personality filled our hearts with great joy. The parties were all perfect with excellent food, beautiful decorations, wonderful “little touches” and everyone having the time of their lives! Here are some details to aid you in planning your own simchas.
1. Invitations. We were thrilled with Jackie Wolf (Jackie@wolfiesprint.com) who orders from the major companies and offers a discount. There is a huge range of styles and prices. Having a traditional invite that incorporated Hebrew was important to us and we spent hours on the wording. We received many compliments and no one knew that we had chosen a style at the low end of the price spectrum!
2. Involve your Child. We were fortunate that Harrison wanted to be involved in ALL of the planning. He helped with everything and was a part of all decisions (except for a couple of “surprises” I thought would be fun for him.) His involvement made it more special and we had so much fun and got so close doing everything together.
3. Service. Thanks to our well-prepared son and wonderful clergy, the service was beautiful and moving. We chose to personalize the service in a few ways and we were very grateful that we were allowed us to do so. It was important to us to “honor” and involve as many of our family members as we could because it was so meaningful to us that they were here to share this special day. So we added extra prayers, a special presentation of the tallit of my father, for whom Harrison is named, an instrumental piece (by Harrison on the trombone and our other children and two of their close friends from temple, all on different instruments) and we have the distinction of having more people for Aliyot than any other family!
4. Meals. Harrison wanted an evening party so we chose to have a luncheon following the service as well as the evening party. It was nice to do this because it gave people a chance to really be together. I did assigned table seating for both events and put a lot of thought and effort into mixing people up so that they weren’t sitting with the same people for both events, which everyone seemed to enjoy. We also had a Shabbat dinner for family on Friday night and a Sunday brunch for family and some close friends on Sunday morning, and we were very blessed that family members generously offered to host all of these “extra” events including the very “upscale” Saturday evening cocktail hour. Our caterers, Nina Varkel and Ruth Gueta of Gourmet Caterers (www.gourmetcaterers.net) were phenomenal in all respects and I highly recommend them. The food was beyond delicious, the presentation of the food was amazing and they were a joy to work with.
5. Venues. We were so pleased with our choice of venues. Having the extended Kiddush luncheon at the synagogue was perfect because everyone went straight from the service into the lunch. We had the evening party at the JCC, which was great. The dance floor was the largest we’ve seen and the set up of the room worked perfectly. There was plenty of space and it felt “right” to have a Jewish event at a “Jewish venue.” I looked at more than fifty places and the cost of the JCC was comparable to most of the other places and we got more space for the money (the use of other parts of the facility for the cocktail hour, buffet stations, etc.)
6. DJ. Mark Fortier of What a Party (www.whataparty.com) was simply amazing. He had the right amount of “energy” (he was “up,” but he wasn’t too hyper) and once we walked into the door of the ballroom, he did his thing and kept things moving along perfectly on schedule. Everyone there danced the night away and had the best night ever!
7. Décor. To keep things “moderate” and not “over the top,” we did all the décor ourselves. The lunch theme was based on Harrison’s mitzvah projects (which involved tutoring Santa Ana kids with their reading) and the centerpieces and baskets on the Bima were wrapped with pretty Star of David cellophane, tied with sparkling blue and silver ribbons, and filled with books that Harrison will be donated so they looked nice but served a useful purpose. The evening’s theme was “Harrison’s World,” with centerpieces made of vases filled with pretty rocks, tied with sparkly silver and blue ribbons, adorned with Stars of David, and each featured a photograph of Harrison doing something important to him (with the table placecards matching the tables.) We made the centerpieces and all the table placecards ourselves, and even though they looked homemade, they were creative and special (it helps that I do calligraphy.) Making the sign-in board and other “photo boards” for décor was easy and fun. Decorating baskets for programs, kippots, etc. made everything festive and beautiful for little cost and effort. Our balloon vendor, Irma Minsky (minskyfam@att.net) was excellent and decorated the room beautifully with arches, balloon trees and a fun “exploding balloon,” while keeping within our strict budget.
8. Little Touches. All the special extra touches added so much: the program booklet at the service that explained everything and mentioned everyone involved, Harrison’s Jewish friends led Havdallah at the party, special presentations to Harrison by his siblings, a candlelighting ceremony honoring close friends and family, a video montage made by Harrison’s uncle, (which was incredible), fun party give-aways, inexpensive party favors (personalized pens at lunch, bags of candy in the evening), etc.
9. The Hotel. I negotiated an amazing rate at the Residence Inn by Marriott in Irvine. We had a block of 25 suites and everyone enjoyed the luxury and comfort of the recently renovated rooms, the complimentary breakfast, the common areas to congregate, the fun sports deck and the fact that they let us use and bring in our own food to their downstairs “ballroom” for a large family seder.
10. Capturing the Day. Our photographer and videographer were fantastic: Mike Perez for photography (jacquelyngp@gmail.com) and Dennis Backer for videography (dbacker@mediabydesign.net).
11. ENJOY EVERYTHING. Most my important advice is to work as hard as you need to (and we worked really hard) to plan everything and then put it all aside. We were able to do this and I can honestly say that we savored and enjoyed every moment of the weekend.. It didn’t “fly by in a blur” as so many big events do, we were calm and relaxed, and we had the time of our lives. A few minor things didn’t go “exactly” as planned (very few, actually, given the number of events and people and all that was involved), but we didn’t worry about it and we just enjoyed each and every second of this wonderful simcha. We achieved our goals of keeping our focus on the importance of the service and Mitzvah projects and having fun celebration events that incorporated all the elements but were not “over the top.” It will be hard to come down from the clouds and return to a reality that doesn’t involve Bar Mitzvah planning and enjoying, but fortunately we have another one to look forward to in 2 ½ years!
Monday, April 13, 2009
special thank you!
during the time at the party that marlon and i got to say welcome and thank you to our guests for being there to celebrate with us and got to thank the many people who hosted various events and who helped us in so many ways, he accidentally forgot to mention his grandmother, Meme, who co-hosted the family shabbat dinner. so, she got a whole special (and very heartfelt) tribute when i spoke rigth afterwards.
this next tribute is the same. I accidentally forgot to thank someone who helped me a lot (it happens, i guess) and i feel terrible, but this gives me an opportunity to give her her own well deserved little tribute so maybe it was "beshert" (fate.)
one of the many people who came over and helped me with centerpieces who I forgot to mention was my good friend elaine o'connor. she and her son, Fergus, came over twice to help and it was much appreciated. but even more than this centerpiece help, i really want to thank elaine for being the wonderful friend that she is. you have probably read some of her comments here b/c she frequently comments on the blog. she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders and encouragers during my weight loss journey and her support is endless. i know i can always count on her for a smile,a hug, some encouragement or just anything. she has this knack for making me feel so good about myself and is always so sincerely complimentary about our kids.
the week of the bar mitzvah she came over to help and harrison spent an hour showing her everything and telling her about all the plans. she was so excited to hear about everything and was so excited about being at the bar mitzvah service and party that it made harrison feel so incredibly good. she is the most selfless person i know and is the epitomy of a good friend.
elaine, i can't believe i forgot to mention you, but don't worry, everyone who was there reads the blog (and many more) and now they will all know what a wonderful person and friend you are and how much i love you!!!!!!
this next tribute is the same. I accidentally forgot to thank someone who helped me a lot (it happens, i guess) and i feel terrible, but this gives me an opportunity to give her her own well deserved little tribute so maybe it was "beshert" (fate.)
one of the many people who came over and helped me with centerpieces who I forgot to mention was my good friend elaine o'connor. she and her son, Fergus, came over twice to help and it was much appreciated. but even more than this centerpiece help, i really want to thank elaine for being the wonderful friend that she is. you have probably read some of her comments here b/c she frequently comments on the blog. she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders and encouragers during my weight loss journey and her support is endless. i know i can always count on her for a smile,a hug, some encouragement or just anything. she has this knack for making me feel so good about myself and is always so sincerely complimentary about our kids.
the week of the bar mitzvah she came over to help and harrison spent an hour showing her everything and telling her about all the plans. she was so excited to hear about everything and was so excited about being at the bar mitzvah service and party that it made harrison feel so incredibly good. she is the most selfless person i know and is the epitomy of a good friend.
elaine, i can't believe i forgot to mention you, but don't worry, everyone who was there reads the blog (and many more) and now they will all know what a wonderful person and friend you are and how much i love you!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)